taken out of context

I think it is necessary to spend some time with your self every so often, to know one's self... if that is ever possible. Just as soon as I think I've learned something about who I am, I tend to prove myself wrong. And it usually has to do with context. Here is the thing -

Last night I went to a party with some old friends. Friends from my old job, I should say - the Big Four job. And they are all doing well... in the monetary sense. Yes, there are a few who are finishing up law school and business school and thus are not technically "in the money", but are on a certain and well-laid-out plan to arrive at "the money". I am not concerned for their well-being, let's just say.

So here I was. Sans made-up face, sans elaborate strappy heels, sans well-fitted jeans. I did have with me: some groceries from Trader Joe's, my piano music in a beat-up messenger bag, and a new haircut (although it needed a wash). And as I described "what I've been doing" to various old acquaintances, and tried not to talk about money - I have a tendency to exclaim about things that cost far more than they should, and brag when I've snagged a bargain - my mind began to wander. I thought about their nice lifestyle, and how I could actually get back on that track and be in their shiny pointy shoes if I wanted. And for a moment, I did want it, which was strange.

What is it about the mentality of a group, the phenomenon of being surrounded by people who are all somewhat alike, that makes you decide you want to be like them, too? It is frustrating for me to look back on various moments in my life when I made decisions based almost entirely on what the people around me were doing. And here I was in that situation yet again.

I wonder this: do we truly choose our friends and make our own choices? Or, in some ways, do our friends and our choices find us? And is there ever a way to truly be an individual, or are our actions forever governed by the strongest personalities in our nearest vicinity? I don't necessarily think there is a right or wrong in this realm, but I do find it fascinating.

That I actually, quite seriously, considered applying to law school last night.